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Dear Grandpa

As I think about the last 10 years I can’t help but feel overwhelmed with emotion. This has been a hard week for me to handle. I didn’t think your 10 year anniversary of when you left us would be so hard. The past few years have been “easy” and I use that very lightly, they just have not been as emotional. I think because time truly heals everything. I have broken down countless of times this week because I can not believe that it has been 10 years since I last saw you. The only time I get to see you or get close to you is in my dreams or my hypnotherapy appointments. But I truly feel you around all the time. I can sense it and feel it to my core because even though you are not here in the flesh you are here in spirit. And as a strong spirit.

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I wanted you here for so many things that I have been through. I lost myself after you left. You were my rock, my hero, my best friend and the person I considered a father figure. I miss the days when we used to joke around. I miss wanting to walk down to your house from mine to see you every day. I just really miss you. It took about 3 years for me to feel like myself again and to not let the grief of you being gone hinder my life. That’s when things became “easy.” You were gone and I had to learn that and stop dwelling on the past. But then I met Kurt. My husband. The man that I married. I used to feel guilty for anyone I dated after you passed away because the person I was with or you thought I was with, we were actually broke up but I didn’t tell you because everything was so stressful at the time that I didn’t want to worry you. You loved the person I was with and accepted him and felt comfort in knowing I was with him but such as life, things don’t always work out. But I felt guilty for the other people I dated after you were gone. I wanted your acceptance and your approval of the person I was with. Thankfully your son, my Dad came to the rescue and actually helped Kurt and I get together. I sometimes wonder if you were working through my Dad to bring me a man that would sweep me off my feet and become my husband. Do you know he takes me to visit you? No questions asked, I say “hey can you take me to my grandpa?” I have visited you a lot. It took a long time for me to come to your grave site. But I actually like going now because I know you are there.

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I think about the last few weeks we had with you. How we were able to celebrate your birthday and just be around you as much as we could. I have never forgiven myself because when it was the end I saw you every day up until about 3 days before you passed. I couldn’t come see you because I had a cold. I will never forget the gut wrenching feeling I had when my Mom told me you past away. I fell to my knees and I didn’t even know what to do. My Mom thought I was crazy because I wanted to go down and see you one last time. As scary as it was to see you after you had passed I just had to see you, and tell you how much I loved you. 10 years later and I feel like I am going through that day all over again. You were such a huge part of my life that is why this is so hard.

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I had pictured for the longest time that you would actually have been the one to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day. You were there, I felt your presence and you were pinned to my bouquet of flowers. And now you hang from my rear view mirror in my car. I wonder how you and Kurt would have interacted. I wonder how you would have liked our dog Brooke. I wonder how you would have been when I went to prom. I wonder how you would have been when I graduated High School. I wonder how you would have been like when I graduated College and went to Italy for the first time. I wonder how you would have been on my wedding day. I wonder how you would have been when I moved to Upstate NY for my husband and then Texas and now Washington. I feel like you would have visited me while I was in Texas and now Washington. You were my supporter and someone who believed in me. Your little girl. I so badly wish I could hear that one more time and hug you. I remember surprising you and visiting you at Cleveland Clinic after you had your Liver transplant and how happy you were to see me. I was with you through thick and thin with your sickness.

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Things have not been easy since you have been gone for us as a family. I think if you are watching over us you see it all. It feels very divided and I am actually disappointed to see where we are with out you 10 years later. I wish we felt more together since you have been gone. I didn’t realize how much of a glue you were for us. It didn’t seem like it because you pissed off a lot of people. But I saw a bigger and better side of you. So I understand how you were the glue for our family.

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I can’t wait to see you again one day. But I can wait. I still have a long life to live and live with you still by my side. I found comfort in a medium who connected me with you as well as a hypnotherapist. I could feel the hug and you that I experienced in the hypnotherapy appointment and I could feel your presence and support when I went and saw a medium because I needed to connect with you some how. Things have changed Grandpa. I just wish you could have been here to see it all. Keep watching over all of us. Tucker, Lauren, Ryan and myself. As well as your own kids. You also have some grandkids too now from my sister and Ryan that you need to watch over. You would love them all so much.

I hope and pray I have done right by you. I hope you are proud of me even with my mess ups in life. I wish I could have the confirmation but I just need to pray for the signs from you to show me that. I miss you and I love you. XOXO Love your little girl. ❤

RIP Grandpa 9.28.1936 – 11.7.09

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Thank you to anyone that read this. Grief comes in waves. It can be gone for a few years and then it can come right back. Dealing with the death of my Grandpa at 17 was very hard for me and confusing. It was probably one of the hardest things I have dealt with. I am so thankful I was able to know this man and that he made the impact he did on my life. A very positive one.

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Year in Review

2018…. wow what can I say…. sooo many things, sooo many feelings. I will keep this short and sweet though.

As I get older the years are just flying by. I used to think I would never hit a certain age and that it would take forever to get there. That is not the case after all…lol. Did anyone else feel that way as a kid/teenager? We were so quick to grow up and sometimes I wish I could just go back to that time because it was definitely more care free.

This year was definitely more stressful for me. There were so many changes that happened and I think years of stress caught up to me because I now suffer from stressed induced vertigo. It has subsided a little and some days I can go with out being dizzy. It unfortunately took till August before leaving for Texas for me to find this out. They wanted to put me on anti-anxiety medication but suggested  I start with yoga and meditation. Now that’s my kind of prescription. This diagnoses has taught me to slow down for sure. I definitely am more of a “1 day at a time” sort of girl now. I do worry and stress about the future and even tomorrow sometimes but that is ultimately out of my control. Which is also hard for me to let go of control when it comes to that.

On a happier note. I traveled a lot. I even made it to Oregon twice! That never happens and it makes me so happy that I was able to do that. Bend is my happy place. Oregon in general is but Bend is just a slice of heaven in my eyes. I have a whole blog post coming on my love for Bend Oregon.

I did a lot of simple and fun things the first couple of months into the New Year. I tried new restaurants, visited a salt cave, and enjoyed a bloody mary festival. My husband and I took a 2 1/2 week trip to Europe in March. We went to London, Paris, Rome, Alberobello and Berlin. It was an epic trip. We saw so many things, ate so much food, and embraced different cultures, especially when we were in Alberobello.

After our Europe trip I celebrated my 26th birthday and then headed to Seattle for a weekend getaway and to see some friends. Shortly after that I was at my friends bachelorette party in the Finger Lakes and then I was in Oregon celebrating my friends bachelorette party and visiting my family in Bend. My niece was born while I was in Oregon. When I got home from Oregon I started preparing myself for the move to Texas. We were 2 months out and I was preparing myself for a big change. Before we left I went and saw Beyonce and Jay-z live with my friends. I also made the decision to get re baptized. This was very important to me. One of my good friends got married as well. My husband and I celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary. And no… no babies. Just sooo many happy moments I had this year.

Moving out NY for the first time was super scary for me. I was excited but so nervous at the same time. I had never lived away from western NY. We were going to a town no one really knew. Middle of nowhere Texas…haha…west Texas. I was looking forward to the time I would spend with family I hadn’t been able to spend much with while growing up.

I made a quick surprise trip to Bend Oregon in November to surprise my cousin. It went over super well!

Texas has been quite the adjustment. Its been beneficial in some cases and stressful in others. It has definitely showed me that I am ready to find a place to settle down, just to be in one place and start putting roots down. I am very over the unknown feeling. I hope and pray my husband can figure that out in the new year. Whether we end up in NY or my dream can come true and we can live in Bend. We will see! There are so many things I am ready to do and start doing for myself career wise.

My word for 2018 was calm. I didn’t have concrete resolutions. At least any I can remember. I decided my word for 2019 is enjoyment. I want to enjoy every thing life has to offer, everything god is putting in front of me, enjoy this journey through life and where the next year takes me and my husband. I hope everyone has a wonderful New Years eve!

Cheers! And Happy New Year!

 

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Angelica’s Tea Room review

I love this bar so much I had to leave a review. It’s located in Downtown Buffalo NY. It is such a unique place. I love the vibe there. They have so many cocktails to pick from. This is going to be quick for what I have to say about this place because I can’t come up with anything else besides this is one of the best bars in Buffalo in my eyes. The first time I went there I ordered a bramble. If you like gin and you like black raspberries, this is a great cocktail for you. I never took a picture of it. I can’t figure out why. But this was awhile ago. I tried look for it on my Instagram and regular photo album on my phone but no such luck. That cocktail was delicious. I keep going back and when I do make my way back to Buffalo that will be one of my first stops back. The 2nd time I went I had a Bellini. It was a little too sweet for my liking but that is a Bellini after all. I still found it really good. The last time I was at Angelica’s tea room I had a mojito because it was national mojito day and then I had there cocktail called Eastern Promises. At this visit they changed there menu around from doing your basic cocktails to putting there own creative twists on cocktails. They described Eastern Promises on the menu as “Gin. Cool melon and citrus, brisk and refreshing, like a skinny dip in the Baltic. Now I have not skinny dipped in the Baltic before but if this cocktail is anything like skinny dipping in the Baltic then it has to be fabulous. If you live in the Buffalo area and you haven’t made your way to Angelica’s you need to add that to your list of spots to visit.

Thanks for stopping by! Cheers!

Angelica’s Tea Room

Bibliography:

Queenseyes. “Angelica Tea Room Comes to Life!” Buffalo Rising, 25 Apr. 2017, http://www.buffalorising.com/2017/04/angelica-tea-room-comes-to-life/.

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Wine for Halloween

I have been thinking a lot about this post because there are so many options I feel for Halloween. I am not sure if you are expecting this post to take a crafty route to this and pick out some wine or wine/cocktail recipes that have creepy names or creepy vibes to them but I am going to take a more simple approach to this for my fellow wine lovers that want to have some simple fun. I like to keep things simple and minimal ingredients to buy.

If you are staying in and watching scary movies with a friend or friends and or even your significant  other. I highly recommend the 19 crimes wine. This wine has such a fun twist to it. They have an app that you hold in front of the label and the criminal on the label tells you there story through the app. It is so freaky to see the wine label move through the app but it is by far the coolest thing. I wish they would come out with another line. Download the app and give it a whirl with your friends and family! I think it is brilliant that someone came up with this. If you have ever wanted to try this wine and the app this is a great opportunity.

For the people that are handing out candy to kids for a few hours and you need something to help you get by you definitely need to make a pot of red wine hot chocolate.

Here is a simple recipe that I have used Red wine hot chocolate

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If you were invited to a party or to a friends house to hang out and you want to bring a bottle of wine I would definitely go with the 19 crimes. 19 Crimes has a red blend, and I feel like you can’t go wrong with a red blend when it comes to dry wine drinkers. It wont be too heavy like a cab. Unless you know your host is a sweet wine drinker then stick with what you know about this person or go with a Riesling. I will never recommend anyone to gift moscato to a friend that likes sweet wine. To me, that’s the cheap way out. Unless they are a die hard moscato fan, I would go the Riesling route or! you can try and find a sweet red. White Zinfandel is a decent option. A local winery in NY called Bully Hill makes some sweet red wine. I know my sweet wine lovers love Red Cat but again I think its so cheap unless they are die hard fans of it. Do not be afraid to just stick with what you know about your host. I know I have said that twice but I have my set wines I know my friends/family like that I just get for them unless its something new that I tried and I know they would like it. Don’t over think it.

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Also, don’t be afraid if you like sweet wine to use a dry red in the hot chocolate because the recipe has 2 tablespoons of sugar in it which was plenty sweet enough for me but you can always add more sugar.

Thanks for stopping by! Cheers!

Mentions:

19 Crimes Wine

Posted in Travel, Uncategorized

Texas Bucket List!!

We leave for Texas Tuesday and I really wanted to put together a bucket list of things I wanted to do and see. I am going to embrace my time in Texas as much as possible. This is my first time away from NY. I am excited for this adventure with my husband. My cousins wives helped me with my bucket list so here it is!

  1. Learn to Texas 2 step
  2. Try honey butter chicken biscuits from Whataburger
  3. Have Whataburger
  4. Have donuts from Shipley’s
  5. Visit 6th street in Austin
  6. Visit Fredricksburg for the wineries, shopping, Enchanted Rock, Pedernales State park and rattlers burgers.
  7. Visit Wimberly for shopping and eating as well as floating the Blanco river of San Marcos.
  8. Gruene and go to the pottery festival and check out Gruene Hall to see the professionals 2 step.
  9. Texas State Fair in Dallas
  10. Road trip to Buckee’s for Beef Jerky.
  11. Fort Worth for the Stockyards
  12. Dance at Billy Bob’s in Fort Worth
  13. Fort Worth Zoo
  14. Shiner Brewery
  15. Float the Guadalupe River
  16. Messina Hoff Winery
  17. Aggie Football Game Gig’ em!
  18. Visit hippy hollows in  Austin
  19. Eat at Oasis in Austin
  20. The Alamo
  21. The River Walk
  22. Eat all the delicious BBQ and Mexican food
  23. Blue Bell Ice Cream
  24. Fixer upper! Do all the things in Waco.
  25. Babes doughnut co.

There is so much to do and I am hoping to get to do all of what is on my list. 🙏🏻

If anyone is from Texas and has more ideas I would love to hear them! I can’t wait to start checking these things off the list.

Cheers!

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Stitch Fix Unboxing June 2018

Welcome to another Stitch Fix unboxing. I received some great items in this box. It’s rare that I don’t love everything in the box. This box was mostly casual pieces. But items that were nice to have to add to my wardrobe.

The first item was a pair of white shorts by Lila Ryan. They are nice and stretchy for my curvy body type. The leggings in this box by T4T are so comfy and soft. They are definitely for more of a Netflix binge watching session. I was surprised I liked the dress in this box so much. When I pulled it out I thought I was going to hate it on me but its actually a really great dress. Its by Market & Spruce. The next item was a rain coat by RD Style. It is super light weight. Its perfect for summer hot days in Buffalo when its super muggy and hot and its raining. The last item is a knit pullover by Market & Spruce as well. This is another errand running or hanging out and watching Netflix item for me. it is comfy and soft.

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I love this box so much and I have tried Trunk Club, Wantable and Daily Look. Stitch Fix wins every time for me.

Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

“What Is Stitch Fix and What It’s the Box?” Cherish Everyday, http://www.cherisheveryday.com/2013/09/what-is-stitch-fix-and-what-its-box.html.

Posted in Uncategorized, Wine

VineBox Shades of Summer Reviewer

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Oh my damn! Is what I said after having all of these wonderful wines out of this box. I was so impressed by the collection of rosé they had picked out for this summer box. I wasn’t expecting to like them all and the red’s that were in the box. I couldn’t drink them all in one night. I split them up during a week span. Their were 9 wines to try. 1 white, 6 rosé and 2 reds.  I started with the one that was listed on the tasting card as the first. It was a white wine. On the tasting card they break it down to what you will smell and taste in each wine. The white wine was Castillo de Benizar they described it as a straw yellow color. Elegant and fruity with a delicious floral note. I rated each out of 5 stars. 1 being horrible 5 being awesome. I gave the white wine a 4 because it had a weird start to it and ended very floral. I am not big on floral notes but I didn’t hate the wine. The 2nd wine was a rosé from Château de Brégancon. They described this  wine with strawberry, flowers and a bright raspberry finish straight from Provence. I rated this one with 5 stars. I really liked this one it was very bright tasting.

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I really enjoyed this whole box. It was a nice treat and a good way to try new wines. The 3rd wine I tried from Château Les Palais and they described it as watermelon Jolly Ranchers on a bed of pink flowers. A fun and expressive rosé. I gave this 5 stars and I couldn’t believe how much it tasted like Jolly Ranchers but was dry. I really want a bottle of it. The 4th wine was Adrien Vacher. They described it as rosé bursting with peach and blood orange from the base of the Alps. I definitely got the peach taste from it and this was another one that I gave 5 stars to. The 5th wine I tried was Bodegas Vinos Alex and they described it as full-bodied garnacha rose from Northern Spain. Floral and tart. I agree with all of their descriptions they gave on the wines. It was actually really straight and to the point and I found it way easier to understand each wine. This wine was so good. I gave it 5 stars. Their were only 2 wines I wasn’t overly in love with but didn’t hate them. 2 out 9 wines I think is really good.

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The 6th wine was Castillo de Benizar. It is described as rosé of Cabernet Sauvignon, a rare treat with a hint of sweetness. I gave this 5 stars and I wrote on my card “How can a cab taste as good as a rosé!?!?!” This one had a unique taste but in a good way because you totally tasted the cab side of it as well as the sweet/rosé part. The 7th wine was La Serra, a rose petal colored, tropical fruit scented. Nebbiolo and Barberba in one glass. I wanted a hole bottle of this wine. It is definitely 5 stars. The 2 red wines were next. Ca de Lion was definitely a good summer red wine. Light but delicious. It is actually enjoyed chilled. I never drink red wine cold. I couldn’t believe how good this tasted cold. The last wine was Bodegas Vinos Alex a bright young red wine for sunshine was described by vinebox. It was a little too cherry tasting for me so I gave it 4 stars because I am not big on cherry flavored beverages.

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